Ntombekhaya's Story

I am 38 years of age.

I live in Grahamstown.

Writing About HIV:

I find HIV disease when I was 33 years and I find out when I see limps side of my thigh, it called shingles.

I speak out with my status after I heard I’m positive. At first I was doubt its me have positive and I was shocked. I was told my family. First the members of my church and my friends. The reason that I told the people that are mentioned above is because I was need support from them and advice so I can not take my life to doing wrong things.

I live with my three year old daughter.

The sickness is not an issue in my life. The importance of my life is all the dreams that I have before I diagnosed. I still have them. Nothing can change that, and my life is going on more than before.

As I’m not have pension and I must eat my treatment everyday and I can’t eat without food. Raphael Centre help to give me breakfast and lunch. At the end of the month I have small food parcel at least for a week, but I have once a month. We learn how to survive with positive life and respect yourself.

For myself I think if I followed the instruction and listen the counselors when they teach us how do you live with positive. My dreams become true.

I want people to look me like a human being not a positive woman. There is a wonderful life after you know who you are.

I have two children, a boy and a girl.

I’m not married.

My boyfriend is have the disease as I am but my children are negative.

My Story:

I’m Ntombekhaya Patricia Adam. I’m a single mother of two children. I live at the city of Grahamstown. I live with my little daughter she have three years. Her name is Msindise. My son is 22 years and he live at extension seven at his father’s home.

My son live with me when he is doing standard five because I have no job to do when he want fees for school. I give him. So we decide he go and live with his father.

In 2003 I was diagnosed with HIV and I’m going to speak about this with my family. I was not ready to tell my son about this, but sister of my mom was all ready to do so. I was so worried when she told about this because I know my son very well. I was questioning her, “how he is react?” She said, “he was too painful for him and he was crying because ehe think his mother is going to die soon.” But with the power of God and trust my son is alright now. When he see his mom he see a normal, negative mother. The mother that he had before.

Now I have a 3 year old beautiful girl after I know my status. And I hope is going to be a old girl in front of my eyes. Nothing can change that because I know God is always there for us , every step we take at our lives. I’m not scared to talk about my status. From everywhere in the world I see many people in papers and magazines with HIV/AIDS. They are look healthy and they are beautiful, nothing wrong about that. So, what is going to stop me to look like them?

Written in English, but Ntombekhaya's native language is Xhosa.

Dreams and a Dose of Reality

I'm still visiting the Raphael Centre every Wednesday for our classes. Things are going well, although the number of women has recently dropped. The last few weeks there have only been four women, but we still enjoy our time together. This past Wednesday we drew then spent almost a half hour just talking.

This week we drew our dreams for ourselves. When I came in and told the ladies that I wanted them to draw their dream for their lives one turned to me and said, "it's too late for me to have any dreams." I reassured her that this wasn't true and the three women proceeded to draw their dreams. Two of the women had the same dream, to have a nice house to live with their family. They both drew elaborate houses with their families inside. "Where would you want this dream house to be," I asked the women. "It doesn't matter," one replied, "as long as I'm healthy and with my family." She couldn't be more correct. The other woman drew a limousine-like car. Packed into the vehicle was her large family. In broken English she told me that she wanted a car big enough to fit all of the women in her family. "I want to drive with my daughters (two twins, age 12 and one daughter age 28), my mother and my sisters," she told me. "Where would you go," I asked. "Anywhere we wanted," she answered.

This time I hadn't drawn alongside the women, instead I drew them a color wheel to help with their beading project. When they finished showing me their drawings one asked me, "What's your dream?" I had to think for a second before realizing that I was virtually living my dream. "My dream is to spend my time between Washington DC and South Africa creating artwork with HIV/AIDS patients and their families, like I'm doing right now. My other dream is that one day I will not have to create artwork with HIV/AIDS patients because there will be a cure," I told them. They all smiled at me and one began asking me questions about my motives for working with the HIV/AIDS population. I told her about the AIDS Walk and my experience with Teen Pep. I told her about the differences in the population worldwide and how I think that art can help. "Drawing with you helps me forget," she said. "Forget what," I asked. "Forget that I'm sick," she said. Dreams do come true, I guess...

Last week when I was with the women I was slapped in the face with the reality of working with the HIV/AIDS population. The same three women and I were sitting at a table outside drawing. Since I keep all of their drawings and bring them every time I asked if they wanted to see the first drawings they did. They were excited to see the first work they did with me, so I started showing them the drawings from the beginning. They laughed at each other’s drawings. On top of the pile was my favourite, a drawing that I wrote about here on my first day of class [link]. The image is of a traditional symbol of a heart along with a narrative. The narrative discusses the woman’s wish to have God keep her alive long enough to see her son graduate. I looked at the picture and I was touched all over again. One of the women then asked to see the picture. I handed it to her and a strange look came across her face. “She died recently,” she told me. “What?” I asked. I knew that there was a funeral lately, but I didn’t realize it was a woman I knew. The woman hadn’t been back since the first class, but women in my classes come and go. The saddest part was that her wish never came true. Her son will mostly likely graduate in November and she’s not here to witness it. I have now decided to dedicate the exhibit to her and will have the image displayed. I also hope to get a copy to her son if possible.

The festival is around the corner and I’m trying to prepare as best I can. I’m waiting for some important packages to come, but everything is held up in customs. It’s annoying, but that’s the system here. I will be handing out the cameras soon, but I’m waiting for more. I also am having trouble finding Xhosa translators. I finally heard from Kodak and they will be printing the photos at a steep discount. They’re printing a set of photos for each woman as well as fifty 8”x10” photos for 1000 rand, which is excellent. I’m very excited. Now I just need to get everything else prepared.

On Monday the women will begin beading which will be very exciting. I’ll be going on Monday to see how they’re doing. I hope to purchase something for myself, which will obviously hold a lot of meaning for me. The ladies are very excited and I’m excited for them!

I’m also working on planning an exhibit at home and at school for the summer and fall. I hope that works out.

Visit #1

Today I went to work with the women for the first time. We talked about symbols. I asked the ladies to draw something that she believed symbolizes who she is. Unfortunately I do not have a scanner and my camera is not adequately capturing the images. I will find a way to get the images on here eventually, but the following is what some of the women wrote:

Priscilla:

“My heart makes me who I am, very strong and meaningful. I always follow my heart. If my heart says no then it is no. I always trust my heart. It makes me feel good. My kids are my everything. I would do anything if you try to hurt them. They are my inspiration. They made me who I am. I always ask God to keep me alive until they finish school and start working. I don’t even care how much HIV and AIDS can try to put me down. I always bring myself up and wait for the day when my youngest son is old enough to work.”

When Priscilla told me her story she explained that her son is 20 years old (my age) and in eleventh grade. She seemed embarrassed. “He had cancer,” she told me, “that’s why he’s so late in school. He was in the hospital a lot when he was younger and missed a lot of school.” Despite his troubles he went back to school and is finishing his education. “I ask God everyday to keep me long enough to see my son [finish school]. After that AIDS can take me.”

[Priscilla drew a picture of a heart. The heart is drawn like a traditional symbol of a heart, but then she also added valves and such]

Gladys:

“My home and my family are very important to me. Also I have a child who I love so much. He is the gift from God. Why am I proud of the above-mentioned things? Because my home is where I live. My family support me in every step of the way in my life. Even this period of sickness they still are with me. That gift that I have already told you about is the major priority in my life. I have skills I am doing.”

[Gladys drew a picture of her house, herself, beading and a star. She explained her house and the beading and then said, “I drew a star because it is a symbol of the star I want to be.”]

Buyiswa:

“I have no parents. I have only two sisters. [My parents died] when I was thirteen years old. I know how to cook because my two sisters teach me everything at my home and I know cleaning my home and sewing hats.”

[Buyiswa drew her two sisters and her stove with pots on it]

Nombulelo:

”My family is so important to me in my life. If I am sick they are the most important to me. They are the one who look after me and we live in a happy home. You don’t hear us fighting and shouting. My husband don’t like to do wrong things to the person. He is a nice guy. I like to stay with him. He is not the father of my son, but you can’t see that. He loves him. He do for him everything that he want. My son is 11 years old. I was very corrupt in my younger age, but for the sake of him [I changed].”

[Nombuelo drew her husband Moses and her baby’s Sonwabo’s face]

Ntombizandile:

“I was born here in Grahamstown in Tantyi Location. I grew up with my brothers and sisters, two brothers and five sisters. We used to go to church every Saturdays. My father worked at Colobruk for years so that he can make each of us everything we want to be. Now I’m old enough. I’ve got my own family and I know how to cope with my children. The oldest one is working. He shared his salary with me and his sisters which are still in school. No matter I’m sick I know that my family is still loves me. That’s what I’m proud of. My parents, they makes me live my life stronger and safer.”

Ntombizandile had a baby boy with her. He was wrapped up on her back. He was beautiful and healthy. She expressed her sadness to me that eventually her son will have to grow up without a mother.

[Ntombizandile drew portraits of her father and mother]

Additional drawings/stories:

[These were either written in Xhosa or are just a drawing with no narrative]

Monica:

Written in Xhosa. Monica drew her house with her family in it and her mother and father wearing very elaborate clothing. The house is very detailed, as well.

Mutiwe:

No narrative: Mutiwe drew her and her two sons eating apples. The apples are very large, up to their waists. The clothing is also very detailed like Monica’s.

Thelma:

Written in Xhosa. Thelma drew her children. Two are just heads and two have bodies. She uses interesting shapes to configure the bodies, rather than stick figures or circles.

Noziplo:

Written in Xhosa. Noziplo drew her mother. She talked about how much her mother means to her and how much she loves her mom. The drawing is also rather detailed showing her mother in heels with earrings and rings.